A few days ago, I wrote a post calling men and women to do the work we need to do to truly prepare for wholeness.
It ruffled some feathers.
I could write 100 more posts on this topic and probably will but here’s the comment that’s bothering me today. I’m paraphrasing from several comments, some from men, some from women, all with this message:
“I read your post and it’s too deep. Men are simple. They don’t think that much. They definitely don’t feel that much. Feed me, f*ck me and let me watch the game- that’s all they want.”
Bullshit. My inbox right now is filled with messages from awakening men sharing vulnerable stories of childhood trauma and the effect it has all had on their relationships.
These are not weaklings. These are warriors. They are seeking wholeness. They are chasing down truth.
And as one put it, they are “kung fu fighting these demons and WILL win!”
The problem isn’t that men don’t feel. The problem is that we are still operating from archetypes prescribed by a society that has proven over and over again that it doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing.
Men don’t think and women think too much and one is from mars and the other is from venus and one is a nag and the other is lazy when the truth is, most relationships struggle because they aren’t happening between two adults but between two wounded children walking around in adult bodies.
We are more alike than we’ve been conditioned to think…we just express it differently.
Here’s what I’ve found…
Many men DO in fact want commitment. They value loyalty. They want to feel it all in their souls too they just can’t describe it that way.
They want a woman who can hold them accountable and love them at the same time, without the silent treatment, the bitterness, the withholding. They are looking for the same partnership, the same depth, the same kind of compassionate witness for life that we are, they just don’t express that in the same way.
But to suggest that men are simpletons who only think with their dicks and stomachs is not only archaic, but it diminishes the experiences of the men I know who are READY for more and who have ALSO walked through hell to get here.
So can we please give men permission to admit that they feel? That they long for? That they wish? That they fear? That they hope?
And when they do, may there be a woman on the other side who is embodied and whole enough to honor them for it, hold them through it and walk hand in hand with them out of the fire and into peace.
Because that’s ultimately what we all want.
To NOT think so much. To NOT have to fight to be heard and understood. To NOT have to figure things out over and over.
What the men who commented might not even realize is that underneath their words of bravado is actually a prayer.
When a man says “feed me, fuck me and let me watch the game” what I think he might be saying is…
Be the woman who becomes my peace.