Archive for life lessons

Spiritual gag order officially lifted

Gina HussarIt’s been awhile since you’ve heard from me.

But I have a good excuse.

My husband and I got a divorce and what followed was as spiritual gag order of sorts while I waded through the wreckage, while we both rebuilt a friendship with each other and laboriously (with the help of every kind of therapy under the sun) pieced life back together. (HUGELY grateful I have the kind of business that allows me the freedom to move through life however I need to!)

We are peaceful, thank God and I think we actually like each other more this way.

For us, the most loving thing to do was part ways amicably, eat pizza as a family once a week and continue to send each other good-natured, mildly insulting memes. It works for us.

This has simultaneously been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and the thing that opened the door to the most miracles. And it brought with it lessons that I hope every single one of you will embody.

Here they are, in random order:

1. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to learn how your intuition speaks to you and then follow that shit. Because it’s never wrong!

2. We learn by contrast. Pain is information that teaches you that what you currently have is the opposite of what your soul needs.

3. Know enough about your car to get by.

4. Buy the shoes.

Pull the blinds shut and don’t answer the phone.

Book the trip.

Hug your cat.

Let the kids stay up late.

Ask your soul what it needs moment to moment and do it. It might need a pilgrimage to a sacred place. It might need Netflix and Doritos. All equally valid.

5. Have a lawyer, an accountant, and a stylist you trust.

6. Have these friends: Ones who don’t care what you look like, ones who don’t care what your house looks like, ones who hug you while simultaneously telling you the tough truth you need to hear.

7. The fastest path to happiness is presence. Dwelling in the past is painful, dwelling in the future is pointless.

8. Realize that courage isn’t staying together for the kids, or enduring a job you hate. Courage is in being strong enough to want something that’s held together by more than your obligations and willingness to settle.

And luckily, once you’re through it, you finally understand that avoiding the pain was more painful than the reality of facing it.

9. Peace is a choice. Period.

And character is a summation of your habits. So, if you want to be a good person you must be habitually good no matter what is thrown at you or who’s in front of you. Decide what kind of person you are and then be that person. All the time. No matter what.

10. Whatever it is you know you need to do, be or have, the fastest way to get there is to be there.

11. Everyone is wounded. Everyone is connected by a universal human story. Lead with love and compassion and watch how much happier you get.

12. Practice discernment. Learn to beautifully balance following the flow with your non-negotiable boundaries.

13. Accept the fact that the most radical act of self-love you can perform is to say “no.” It won’t be popular. It will be worth it.

14. You can’t outrun your truth. You might stay a few laps ahead of it, but it will always claw its way to the surface. So save yourself time and heartache and EMBODY your truth. It’s the best way to find out what you’re made of and who belongs in your life.

Because life is short. And grace is Divine. And there is massive, blinding beauty in following your truth, in searching for the miracles underneath, and in opening to the experiences you can’t make sense of but are undoubtedly leading you to your destiny.

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…

Some warm and fuzzy lessons for surviving 2017, because 2016 kinda sucked

Happy new year. No really. Happy. Freaking. New Year.

Why am I so adamantly in love with 2017? Because 2016 tested my spiritual resolve more than anything EVER has. It was, according to astrologers, a “transition year” not just for me, but for MANY people. The collective consciousness was CRAZY this year. I am sure you felt it. (A-hem, Trump induced nationwide Election insanity).

Uncertainty, massive fear, tests of strength, a call to arms for warrior courage.

Now that’s interesting, isn’t it? Fear and uncertainty, acting as a bridge to extraordinary change and courage. This year nearly did me in, and yet, it also brought me back to life.

So to that I say, F you 2016. F you, and THANK YOU. Without your bullying, without your ambush attacks on my soul, I might still be pretending, complying and squandering time on a life that was not in line with my deepest truths. So thanks 2016. You’re a pal. I consider you the brutally honest friend who’s not afraid to say, “Yes, you look fat in those jeans.”

Here are a few things I learned (not without blood, sweat and tears) and the things I plan to carry with me into this bright, sparkly, merciful new year. Feel free to steal.

some warm and fuzzy lessons for surviving 2017

  • You can’t outrun your truth. You may stay a few laps ahead, but eventually it catches up. And if you don’t listen to it whispering, the whisper becomes a scream. And if you still don’t listen, the universe will implode your life in such a huge way that you cannot ignore it anymore. And spoiler alert— that’s not fun. Ask yourself, “Am I being patient or suffering in silence? Am I giving this situation time, or am I hiding behind a wall of fear, clinging fiercely to comfortable discontent?” The truth isn’t always pretty, but it’s always worth it.
  • Forgiveness is not a betrayal of your pride. Peace is a choice. Sure, you have a RIGHT to be raging. Angry. Hurt. You also have a right to accept change, to throw love and compassion around, to choose the serenity of peace over the heaviness of resentment, to see everyone in your life as a spiritual teacher and be grateful for their presence, their lessons and yes, even their pain. Because you grew. You learned. It’s just that anger is really dense, so until you push it aside you won’t see the miracle behind it. And the miracle is breathtaking. Your only job is to assume that everything happening to you is for your highest good. So accept it. Trust. Choose peace. Move on.
  • What’s best for you is best for the people you love. Period. Martyrdom makes you look older. So don’t do it. You help no one by abandoning yourself. In fact, you are actually f**king up EVERYONE when you do that. Because the people who look up to you (especially important if you have kids) will follow your lead. And if they see you abandoning yourself, settling for less, tolerating emptiness, they will adopt that as normal and do the same. Want that on your conscience? Me neither. Be your own advocate. Happiness is YOUR birth right too. At some point, you should learn that it’s not selfish to honor the callings of your own soul, regardless of who you feel obligated to. I heard Joel Osteen speak this year. He said, (CLEARLY speaking to me personally 😉 “You might be saying, ‘what if I hurt people with my choice?’ and to that I say, ‘what if you miss your destiny?’”
  • Grace is when forgiveness, compassion and acceptance intersect. You can push against or flow with. Guess which one keeps you healthier? Now this is tricky, because grace and patience are very often mistaken by the faithless for weakness. But you and I know better. You and I know that grace is a high calling, reserved for the strong of heart. And it doesn’t hurt your karma either.
  • The more you live by your truth, the more you will find that people you know and love have trouble relating to you. And that’s ok. Because you’re no longer living to please and conform. They are comfortable living that way and that works for them. It just won’t work for you anymore. It’s no biggie. Some people like sushi, some don’t. Don’t judge them for their unwillingness to see differently, and hopefully, they won’t judge you for an inability to be someone you’re not.
  • Do something that scares you at least twice a year. Courage is an element of freedom. When you stretch yourself beyond what’s been true to this point in your life, things you didn’t know you had will be permanently unlocked. This year, I spoke on stage to 400 people. I also made a decision to permanently change my life in a HUGE way. Both of those things scared the shit out of me. And both raised me to a higher level of faith, empowerment and bad-assness.
  • Darkness is nothing more than incubation. Sue Monk Kidd wrote a book called When the Heart Waits which became a bible for me this year. In it, she suggests that we not dramatize the dark night of the soul as something awful and gut wrenching, but rather take a lesson from nature. Caterpillars go into a dark cocoon to be reborn as butterflies. Babies stay in a dark womb until Divine timing tells them it’s time come forth as life-changing miracles. Why then, do we assume OUR dark seasons are anything BUT a blessed and natural incubation period? You aren’t stuck in darkness. You’re just incubating. Divine intervention is sometimes as quiet as a whisper and as slow as molasses, but it’s there. So just wait, with grace, until you are given the unmistakable green light that it’s time to be born again, stronger, more beautiful and in gorgeous technicolor.
  • You can be compassionate without being responsible. This is tough for us do-gooders. Even tougher for us empaths. After all, we not only witness people’s pain, we FEEL it right along with them. So it’s EXTRA suck-ish when we are a PART of people’s pain because then we get to enjoy that cocktail blend of sadness AND guilt. Lucky us. But here’s what I know. You can feel a huge amount of compassion for someone else’s pain, for their journey, without accepting responsibility for it. You are only responsible for yourself, your choices. And they are only responsible for theirs. You cannot MAKE someone happy. You cannot MAKE someone change. You can only see them for who they are. A Divine being, just like you, doing the best they can with what they know. But there must be a line in the sand.  There must be a point where you can say, “I SEE your pain, and I bless your pain, but I cannot CARRY your pain as my own.” Here’s where God gets good. When you finally stop carrying someone’s pain, guess what they have to do? They have to get stronger, build their muscles and carry it themselves. So when you hand it back to them, they have to finally SEE it and in many cases they will finally say to themselves, “Ohhhh, so THIS is what it looks like. Yeah, no thanks.” They will then, hopefully, make a choice to change because THEY don’t want to carry that shit either.
  • Purpose is not one central focus that only super lucky people find. Purpose evolves as YOU evolve. Today, your purpose might be to care for a friend in need. Tomorrow your purpose might be to finally finish the damn book. Your purpose is not something you find after a long and treacherous journey, it’s something you choose moment to moment, every day, to give your whole heart to.
  • Lead with love. Love the pain. Love the spirit assaulters. Love the tears. Love the possibilities. Love the painful growth. (It’s unlocking your destiny) Love the unanswered prayers. (They ARE being answered, you just don’t like how it looks yet.) Love it all. Leading with love is the fastest path to peace, to new beginnings and to miracles.
  • And life is too damn short to settle for less than soul-shaking miracles.

Cheers to the new year.

Follow the flow. Hear the whispers. Honor your heart.

Truth looks HOT on you.

Best. Poem. Ever.

So I’m going through a bit of what my friend Kate Crow calls a personal tsunami. You know, … the kind of thing that you are sure only ever happens to OTHER people .

And maybe someday I’ll talk about it, but for now I wanted to share with you the words that have sustained me. They are the words of a poet named Erin Hanson who lives in Australia, and isn’t even old enough to drink but writes with a depth that you just don’t see these days.

 

Best Poem Ever

 

Here it is:

 

Maybe you’re a wild fire but I’m a mighty oak.

And my roots extend much further than your flickering flames can choke.

So send your smoke towards me, what you see here’s only bark;

And I am far too strong to fear the keen sting of your spark.

Now listen to me wild fire, oh the sky is turning gray.

You better make it fast,for I know rain is on the way.

And then you’ll finally realize your mistake before you go;

That I will never fear you, for you help my forest grow.

So take me down to ashes, make me crackle make me burn.

And from all this destruction, even stronger I’ll return.

 

You see I used to think that the wild fire represented insults and injury.

Then in a different phase of this, I thought the wildfire might represent challenges.

But now I know the truth. My truth.

The wildfire is, and always has been, the one thing that can indeed take us down to ashes.

The thing that can make us burn and wilt while underneath it all simultaneously doing the treacherous but vital work of helping us grow.

The wildfire isn’t challenges or injury. It’s the one thing that, no matter how threatening or uncertain, we find the courage to invite again and again into our lives.

The thing that begins with a spark, can shift to a rage, can end with a gray and exhausted smolder, but is still a better choice than hiding untouched, with no need for courage or strength.

The wildfire… is love.

I completely flipped out. Not proud of it.

Louie

So we got a new puppy. His name is Louie. This is him. Handsome isn’t he?

I love this puppy WAY more than I wanted to, but he has (are you ready?) a stomach virus that is causing him to have several bouts of diarrhea a day. (I promise you there is a point here).

So here’s a breakdown of what happened today:

Louie had no less than 5 accidents in the house. I continually had to tell my clients to hold on so I could try to rush him outside and not surprisingly, I failed 4 of those 5 times and spent much of my day shampooing carpets with one hand and holding the phone in the other trying to do the work I was scheduled to do.

Then: my oldest came home ill with a fever (and an attitude), my middle one couldn’t find her dance shoes, we were late for everything, rushing out the door, then I hear the baby yelling, “Moooom, Louie pooped in the family room!”, so I go back in and my purse hooks on a FULL bottle of root beer which spills its ENTIRE contents all over my laptop and the kitchen floor.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!??! Then I, just for dramatic flair, raise my arms and look to the sky and say, “WHAT!?! WHAT LESSON AM I SUPPOSED TO LEARN FROM THIS? JUST TELL ME BECAUSE I’M NOT HEARING YOU!”

And no shit, clear as day, a voice in my head said, “The lesson is you’ve got a long way to go baby.”

It actually made me laugh, but it also made me realize three REALLY important things that I wanted to share with you:

  1. Gratitude isn’t just a buzz word. And on this crappiest of days, my day was still better than my dear friend who is mourning the loss of her child. And the people who lost everything in the earthquake in Italy. And many, many other people who aren’t as blessed as I am. I am reminded of a quote I read then, “Don’t forget to be grateful to God for what you DO have. After all he didn’t forget to wake you up today.” Regardless of what you believe or what God you worship, it’s a solid reminder to be grateful.
  2. Mastery is a journey. My goal is to stay on the path to what I call “user friendly enlightenment.” Enlightenment for real chicks like me who live in a real world, like wine and who don’t have time to juice things every day or visit ashrams in India. So when the universe whispered to me, “You’ve got a long way to go baby,” I like to think it was a pat on the back for my effort AND a reminder that there is no destination, only an unwavering commitment to keep RE-committing to peace and self-awareness no matter what.
  3. Mind your “ish.” My friends and I have a running joke. “ish.” We love that suffix as it allows us to be vague and noncommittal without being all out negative. One of us says, “How was your day?” and we are totally allowed to reply, “Great….ish.” But I got to thinking about the ish and how many people I know who are happy-ISH. Successful-ISH. They are so close to being all the way, but their ish holds them back. Take time to think about your ish. What needs to shift for you to release it and REALLY be in an enviable state of bliss? For me, I realized today that I am only happy-ISH because I am a bit out of alignment. I was being pulled in a million directions, received some reminders about some things I need to release in my business, was reminded that I have been neglecting my body etc. That ish, for me, is a lack of self-care. If I can set boundaries in business, set goals in fitness and set standards for friendships, set schedules for the kids that don’t put me in a rush etc, then my ish will fade away. (or it will change form.) The point is, ish’s will always pop up. Ask yourself if you have an ish and then NAME It. Figure it out. Release it!

Are you happy-ISH in a relationship that’s ok but not WOWING you?

Are you successful-ish in a business that makes money but steals your soul?

I am declaring today that I will be more mindful of what my body, mind and soul are begging for in an effort to banish that suffix and lean into total glowy-ness. (Thank you for witnessing.)

Get grateful. Stay the course. Mind the ish.

You’ve come a long way too baby. Keep going.

The only GURU you need…

I’ve gotta be honest.

There are a few words in the English language that I cannot stand.

“Moist” is one of them. (Ewww, right?)

The other?

GURU.

The only thing worse than the word “guru” are people who declare THEMSELVES one. (Again, ew.)

While of course I create things that I hope will resonate with you, I am very aware that at the end of the day you don’t need me or anyone else.

You have the greatest guru known to man living right inside you, right at this very moment– your soul. Your intuition. Source.

My 2016 motto is this: “With Source as my savior and truth as my guide...” I say it over and over. Feel free to steal it.

I learned the hard way (many times) that my Source, my inner voice was crystal clear in its message, but for some reason, I thought I knew better. Cue the heartache, the wasted time, the REALLY tough and shitty lessons.

Even just this past year, I had MANY painful lessons, both personal and professional, that reminded me that the coach, the guru, the expert MOST worth listening to, was myself.

Don’t get me wrong. On paper 2015 was fantastic. It was successful. Busy. Profitable. A major growth year. And the whole time, while my ego was giving me a pat on the back and a whole bunch of “atta girl’s” my soul was whispering: “Stop. Breathe. Re-calibrate.”

Because appearances don’t matter. The highlight reel is irrelevant. The only thing that matters, the only way to measure a decision is to ask yourself this one question:

Does this make me feel good?

Somehow, along the way, we forgot that feeling good is the ONLY goal worth having. We started measuring success in dollars and cents. We started measuring worth in how many Facebook friends we had. We measured opportunity by what it might it do FOR us, rather than what it could do TO us.

The next time you have ANY decision to make, whether you are debating something huge like a change in your marriage or something as small as whether to go out or stay in your jammies, ask yourself, “what would make me feel good here?”

Whatever it is, do it. And don’t second guess. Because your Source will always save you.

What does this mean for me?

It means a commitment to STOP repeating old patterns that NEVER work out.

It means re-connecting with my spirit and folding spirit into my business offerings, front and center. (Because if you’re an entrepreneur you know that owning a business is a big ass spiritual test!)

It means re-committing, every day, to always taking the fastest path to peace, while being mindful of my own core needs and boundaries.

It might mean only writing to you when I have something useful to say, rather than following the advice of “gurus” who say I HAVE to write to you weekly.

Most importantly it means remembering my mantra, for every decision, every challenge, every change – With Source as my savior and truth as my guide…..

Listen to the whispers