Some of you know that in my former life I was the editor-in-chief of a digital fashion magazine. That line of work does come with some occupational hazards including sticker blindness and shoe addiction. One term that came up consistently throughout the days of trend watching was “must-have.” Usually a “must-have” refers to the latest “it” bag or refers to the runway trend that you MUST take part in to avoid a worst dressed list. But for me, the term has evolved. For me, a “must-have” is a component of life or relationships that MUST be present and is non-negotiable. I encourage you to steal the term. Let’s break it down.
So often we are settling. We take the less exciting job because it pays a bit more. We stay in the stale relationship because it isn’t abusive and is at least comfortable. We put up with the inconsiderate friend because we have known them since childhood. If you are reading this blog post chances are you are older than 18 and therefore an adult. So I can’t help but ask, why? Why would you, as a fully functioning, intelligent adult, continue to settle for anything less than you deserve?
A few weeks back I held a training series called The Peaceful Path to Your Life’s Purpose. The very first video was all about defining our non-negotiables. So many of us make decisions based on what we need to DO, when what we should be basing our decisions on is how we want to FEEL. You are free. Free to choose who you let into your life. Free to go to the party, or not go. Free to let someone get under your skin, or blow them off and go on your way. You are free to leave that relationship or plug away for another ten years committed to change and growth. You are free to be bogged down by negativity in a constant state of victimhood or you can choose to never let any one person or circumstance steal your hope and vision for the future. You have CHOICES. And the best way to honor those choices is to come up with your list of life “must-haves.” These are your non-negotiables. These are the things, circumstances, feelings, people that you want to have in your life on a daily basis. It’s important to note that the space for all of this blissful must-have living must be cleared. There is no room for your must-haves if your life and spirit are cluttered wall to wall with “should-haves.” There is no room in your “must-have” life for “should-haves.” It’s one of the beautiful blessings of adulthood. You can weed out the toxic people. You can let go of chores and duties that suck the life out of you. You can distance yourself from relationships that drain your energy and constrict your soul. What you do you want instead? You CAN decide. You CAN and you WILL and it will be on YOUR terms, honoring YOUR must-haves.
Some helpful hints to get you started:
How do you want to feel every day? List five feelings.
How do you never want to feel again? List five
What kind of people do you want in your life?
What kind of people do you want out of your life?
It really is that simple. So start your list. Clear your space. Invite the blessings in. Offer them a cozy space in a warm corner of your heart. They’ll stick around. 😉