Archive for Listen to your heart

Some warm and fuzzy lessons for surviving 2017, because 2016 kinda sucked

Happy new year. No really. Happy. Freaking. New Year.

Why am I so adamantly in love with 2017? Because 2016 tested my spiritual resolve more than anything EVER has. It was, according to astrologers, a “transition year” not just for me, but for MANY people. The collective consciousness was CRAZY this year. I am sure you felt it. (A-hem, Trump induced nationwide Election insanity).

Uncertainty, massive fear, tests of strength, a call to arms for warrior courage.

Now that’s interesting, isn’t it? Fear and uncertainty, acting as a bridge to extraordinary change and courage. This year nearly did me in, and yet, it also brought me back to life.

So to that I say, F you 2016. F you, and THANK YOU. Without your bullying, without your ambush attacks on my soul, I might still be pretending, complying and squandering time on a life that was not in line with my deepest truths. So thanks 2016. You’re a pal. I consider you the brutally honest friend who’s not afraid to say, “Yes, you look fat in those jeans.”

Here are a few things I learned (not without blood, sweat and tears) and the things I plan to carry with me into this bright, sparkly, merciful new year. Feel free to steal.

some warm and fuzzy lessons for surviving 2017

  • You can’t outrun your truth. You may stay a few laps ahead, but eventually it catches up. And if you don’t listen to it whispering, the whisper becomes a scream. And if you still don’t listen, the universe will implode your life in such a huge way that you cannot ignore it anymore. And spoiler alert— that’s not fun. Ask yourself, “Am I being patient or suffering in silence? Am I giving this situation time, or am I hiding behind a wall of fear, clinging fiercely to comfortable discontent?” The truth isn’t always pretty, but it’s always worth it.
  • Forgiveness is not a betrayal of your pride. Peace is a choice. Sure, you have a RIGHT to be raging. Angry. Hurt. You also have a right to accept change, to throw love and compassion around, to choose the serenity of peace over the heaviness of resentment, to see everyone in your life as a spiritual teacher and be grateful for their presence, their lessons and yes, even their pain. Because you grew. You learned. It’s just that anger is really dense, so until you push it aside you won’t see the miracle behind it. And the miracle is breathtaking. Your only job is to assume that everything happening to you is for your highest good. So accept it. Trust. Choose peace. Move on.
  • What’s best for you is best for the people you love. Period. Martyrdom makes you look older. So don’t do it. You help no one by abandoning yourself. In fact, you are actually f**king up EVERYONE when you do that. Because the people who look up to you (especially important if you have kids) will follow your lead. And if they see you abandoning yourself, settling for less, tolerating emptiness, they will adopt that as normal and do the same. Want that on your conscience? Me neither. Be your own advocate. Happiness is YOUR birth right too. At some point, you should learn that it’s not selfish to honor the callings of your own soul, regardless of who you feel obligated to. I heard Joel Osteen speak this year. He said, (CLEARLY speaking to me personally 😉 “You might be saying, ‘what if I hurt people with my choice?’ and to that I say, ‘what if you miss your destiny?’”
  • Grace is when forgiveness, compassion and acceptance intersect. You can push against or flow with. Guess which one keeps you healthier? Now this is tricky, because grace and patience are very often mistaken by the faithless for weakness. But you and I know better. You and I know that grace is a high calling, reserved for the strong of heart. And it doesn’t hurt your karma either.
  • The more you live by your truth, the more you will find that people you know and love have trouble relating to you. And that’s ok. Because you’re no longer living to please and conform. They are comfortable living that way and that works for them. It just won’t work for you anymore. It’s no biggie. Some people like sushi, some don’t. Don’t judge them for their unwillingness to see differently, and hopefully, they won’t judge you for an inability to be someone you’re not.
  • Do something that scares you at least twice a year. Courage is an element of freedom. When you stretch yourself beyond what’s been true to this point in your life, things you didn’t know you had will be permanently unlocked. This year, I spoke on stage to 400 people. I also made a decision to permanently change my life in a HUGE way. Both of those things scared the shit out of me. And both raised me to a higher level of faith, empowerment and bad-assness.
  • Darkness is nothing more than incubation. Sue Monk Kidd wrote a book called When the Heart Waits which became a bible for me this year. In it, she suggests that we not dramatize the dark night of the soul as something awful and gut wrenching, but rather take a lesson from nature. Caterpillars go into a dark cocoon to be reborn as butterflies. Babies stay in a dark womb until Divine timing tells them it’s time come forth as life-changing miracles. Why then, do we assume OUR dark seasons are anything BUT a blessed and natural incubation period? You aren’t stuck in darkness. You’re just incubating. Divine intervention is sometimes as quiet as a whisper and as slow as molasses, but it’s there. So just wait, with grace, until you are given the unmistakable green light that it’s time to be born again, stronger, more beautiful and in gorgeous technicolor.
  • You can be compassionate without being responsible. This is tough for us do-gooders. Even tougher for us empaths. After all, we not only witness people’s pain, we FEEL it right along with them. So it’s EXTRA suck-ish when we are a PART of people’s pain because then we get to enjoy that cocktail blend of sadness AND guilt. Lucky us. But here’s what I know. You can feel a huge amount of compassion for someone else’s pain, for their journey, without accepting responsibility for it. You are only responsible for yourself, your choices. And they are only responsible for theirs. You cannot MAKE someone happy. You cannot MAKE someone change. You can only see them for who they are. A Divine being, just like you, doing the best they can with what they know. But there must be a line in the sand.  There must be a point where you can say, “I SEE your pain, and I bless your pain, but I cannot CARRY your pain as my own.” Here’s where God gets good. When you finally stop carrying someone’s pain, guess what they have to do? They have to get stronger, build their muscles and carry it themselves. So when you hand it back to them, they have to finally SEE it and in many cases they will finally say to themselves, “Ohhhh, so THIS is what it looks like. Yeah, no thanks.” They will then, hopefully, make a choice to change because THEY don’t want to carry that shit either.
  • Purpose is not one central focus that only super lucky people find. Purpose evolves as YOU evolve. Today, your purpose might be to care for a friend in need. Tomorrow your purpose might be to finally finish the damn book. Your purpose is not something you find after a long and treacherous journey, it’s something you choose moment to moment, every day, to give your whole heart to.
  • Lead with love. Love the pain. Love the spirit assaulters. Love the tears. Love the possibilities. Love the painful growth. (It’s unlocking your destiny) Love the unanswered prayers. (They ARE being answered, you just don’t like how it looks yet.) Love it all. Leading with love is the fastest path to peace, to new beginnings and to miracles.
  • And life is too damn short to settle for less than soul-shaking miracles.

Cheers to the new year.

Follow the flow. Hear the whispers. Honor your heart.

Truth looks HOT on you.

The only GURU you need…

I’ve gotta be honest.

There are a few words in the English language that I cannot stand.

“Moist” is one of them. (Ewww, right?)

The other?

GURU.

The only thing worse than the word “guru” are people who declare THEMSELVES one. (Again, ew.)

While of course I create things that I hope will resonate with you, I am very aware that at the end of the day you don’t need me or anyone else.

You have the greatest guru known to man living right inside you, right at this very moment– your soul. Your intuition. Source.

My 2016 motto is this: “With Source as my savior and truth as my guide...” I say it over and over. Feel free to steal it.

I learned the hard way (many times) that my Source, my inner voice was crystal clear in its message, but for some reason, I thought I knew better. Cue the heartache, the wasted time, the REALLY tough and shitty lessons.

Even just this past year, I had MANY painful lessons, both personal and professional, that reminded me that the coach, the guru, the expert MOST worth listening to, was myself.

Don’t get me wrong. On paper 2015 was fantastic. It was successful. Busy. Profitable. A major growth year. And the whole time, while my ego was giving me a pat on the back and a whole bunch of “atta girl’s” my soul was whispering: “Stop. Breathe. Re-calibrate.”

Because appearances don’t matter. The highlight reel is irrelevant. The only thing that matters, the only way to measure a decision is to ask yourself this one question:

Does this make me feel good?

Somehow, along the way, we forgot that feeling good is the ONLY goal worth having. We started measuring success in dollars and cents. We started measuring worth in how many Facebook friends we had. We measured opportunity by what it might it do FOR us, rather than what it could do TO us.

The next time you have ANY decision to make, whether you are debating something huge like a change in your marriage or something as small as whether to go out or stay in your jammies, ask yourself, “what would make me feel good here?”

Whatever it is, do it. And don’t second guess. Because your Source will always save you.

What does this mean for me?

It means a commitment to STOP repeating old patterns that NEVER work out.

It means re-connecting with my spirit and folding spirit into my business offerings, front and center. (Because if you’re an entrepreneur you know that owning a business is a big ass spiritual test!)

It means re-committing, every day, to always taking the fastest path to peace, while being mindful of my own core needs and boundaries.

It might mean only writing to you when I have something useful to say, rather than following the advice of “gurus” who say I HAVE to write to you weekly.

Most importantly it means remembering my mantra, for every decision, every challenge, every change – With Source as my savior and truth as my guide…..

Listen to the whispers

What’s screaming at you?

I might be about to make you very uncomfortable. But it’s for a good reason.

Every once in a while the whispers from our soul that we push down again and again find their way back to the surface. They tap us on the shoulder. We shoo them away. They whisper in our ear, we tell them to quiet down.

They get louder. We cover our ears.

They stand in front of us, waving their arms and jumping up and down and we put our heads down, close our eyes and turn away.

Whether it’s a decision you need to make or a dream you can’t let go, it’s time to get real with yourself. It’s time to ask yourself how many more days you are going to let pass before honoring your voice within.

It’s time to ask yourself how long you are willing to stay empty or discontent.

It’s not easy. Especially when the path we are being urged to follow goes against what we’ve been taught is right or safe. But epic triumphs don’t come from “easy.”

What’s screaming at you, my friend?

I don’t say this to scare you. I say it with love and from experience. You cannot escape your soul’s truth. Despite every effort, every plea, every prayer, your soul’s truth is strong. It will stay in front of you. And it won’t let you pass. You can resist it. Or you can walk through the door and into the truth that’s been divinely placed in your heart.

What’s screaming at you? What do you need to do? What do you need to honor? And what, my dear, are you waiting for?

Let me know. I want to hear about it. 🙂

Sending you love and courage.

Oh…SOMETHING AMAZING I wanted to share with you! My good friend Susan Schachterle, best selling author of The Bitch, The Crone, and The Harlot: Reclaiming the Magical Feminine in Midlife will be on the radio sharing about women living larger lives, and how you can too. Totally free to listen in and I am sure it will be great! Click here!

Have a heart to heart with yourself

There is a quest that is as old as time. The greatest heroes who ever lived set out on this quest. We grow up learning about these brave men and women who followed the whispers of their soul and  set off on this most noble of journeys. What am I talking about?

Purpose.

If you read last week’s post “What’s Screaming At You?”, you know how I feel about this. Not everyone is called to lead a nation, or a movement or a rock band. Some of us have quieter purposes. Make no mistake about this! Even if your purpose never lands you on the front page of the paper or in the history books, you are changing lives.

When we are living a life aligned with our purpose we change the lives of others. It’s just true. It just happens. Sometimes it happens in a huge, loud, newsworthy way and sometimes it happens through the smile of a child or the sigh of relief of a dear friend.

Some people are meant to write Pulitzer Prize winning novels. Others are meant to take care of children, or to deliver impeccable customer service that leaves people smiling.

How do you know what your purpose is? Here are my top 10 questions you can ask yourself to inch just a bit closer to your soul’s mission in this life:

  1. What do people always come to me for?
  2. What drives me absolutely insane?
  3. What makes me angry?
  4. What tugs at my heart strings?
  5. For whom do I feel overwhelming compassion?
  6. What would I battle for? What am I willing to really stand up for?
  7. What do I know for sure? If someone challenged my position on this, I could, with 100% confidence and certainty argue my point about this.
  8. What do I never get tired of talking about or doing?
  9. What could I honestly write a book about?
  10. When I was struggling, what or who do I wish had existed? What would have helped me?

I would love to hear your answers! Contact me and share!

Here’s to self discovery.

Most people get this wrong…

If you’ve been with me awhile you’ve probably heard me talk about the importance of being naked. Not birthday suit naked. But VULNERABLE.

We know the importance of thinking positively and feeling grateful. But equally important is the willingness to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability gets a bad rep. People hear “vulnerable” and they think “weak, easily broken, victim.” But the word that stands out most to me in the official definition is “open.” It’s something we intuitively long to be. Our souls cry out for the right to be vulnerable yet safe. Loved. Accepted. 

Set yourself freeYour vulnerability, your humanness is what makes you real. It’s your most powerful tool for connecting with other human beings, with your partners and lovers, your children, your clients. There is nothing weak about a willingness to be open. Open to what? To everything. To pleasure, to pain, to opportunities to love, to criticism, to incredible abundance and growth. It takes far more courage and strength to OPEN yourself to it all but you have to if you want the goods.

When you resist being vulnerable, being open, you essentially close the door to intimacy. But a closed door is a closed door. True, pain doesn’t get in, but guess what, neither does love, neither does success, neither do raw and beautiful moments that make life worth living. Iyanla Vanzant says that Intimacy means In-To-Me-See. No one can see anything if your emotional front door keeps slamming shut. And if they can’t see in, they don’t actually know you. They don’t know what you’ve been through. They don’t know what you overcame. They don’t know the depths of your journey.

To reap the blessings of life, you’ve got to embrace all of the parts of your human experience. All of the heartache, the love, the gifts; all of the things that make you beautiful, flawed and real.

Because it’s in the space of that realness
that your soul will start pulling
everything you need right to you.

Baby step: Ask for what you need. Always. Let go of the fear of being told “no” and honor yourself by at least voicing your needs and desires. “I need you to hear me. I need to feel loved by you. I need five minutes alone because the kids were evil today.” Whatever it is-ASK for it.

Risk it all in the name of self-love. Because you deserve it. 

Are you kinda like a cheap motel?

I’ll cut to the chase. (Because the baby is sleeping as I write this and I never know if he will sleep for one hour or five minutes! He likes to keep me guessing and on task.)

Are you running a cheap motel in a dark alley? Hear me out. We all feel like shit sometimes. For some of us it’s a fleeting emotion when something unpleasant takes us by surprise. For others, it’s a way of life that we just can’t seem to break out of.
cheap motel

 

I like to think of myself as a motel with about 20 rooms.

The rooms in your hotel are where your emotions and perceptions live. One for each room. One room for love, one for jealousy, one for joy etc. And no new emotions can come in until their is a vacancy or an expansion.

How many of your “rooms” are taken up by things like FEAR, RESENTMENT, BITTERNESS, SHAME, APATHY, ENVY, UNCERTAINTY. You see as long as the majority of your hotel rooms are occupied by negative things, you will not feel good and you won’t experience the joys of life.

You’ve got to evict the negative to make space for the positive.

What if your hotel was filled with dream guests?

Love, passion, purpose, success, joy, clarity, peace.

 

Luxury Resort

 

Accept what you cannot change, nurture and expand what you can. You are the hotel owner, the concierge, the housekeeping. You get to decide who stays and who goes. You get to design the environment and the customer (you) experience!

So will you run a cheap hotel with questionable guests or a luxury resort with only the best of the best?