Archive for Life Lessons

Spiritual gag order officially lifted

Gina HussarIt’s been awhile since you’ve heard from me.

But I have a good excuse.

My husband and I got a divorce and what followed was as spiritual gag order of sorts while I waded through the wreckage, while we both rebuilt a friendship with each other and laboriously (with the help of every kind of therapy under the sun) pieced life back together. (HUGELY grateful I have the kind of business that allows me the freedom to move through life however I need to!)

We are peaceful, thank God and I think we actually like each other more this way.

For us, the most loving thing to do was part ways amicably, eat pizza as a family once a week and continue to send each other good-natured, mildly insulting memes. It works for us.

This has simultaneously been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and the thing that opened the door to the most miracles. And it brought with it lessons that I hope every single one of you will embody.

Here they are, in random order:

1. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to learn how your intuition speaks to you and then follow that shit. Because it’s never wrong!

2. We learn by contrast. Pain is information that teaches you that what you currently have is the opposite of what your soul needs.

3. Know enough about your car to get by.

4. Buy the shoes.

Pull the blinds shut and don’t answer the phone.

Book the trip.

Hug your cat.

Let the kids stay up late.

Ask your soul what it needs moment to moment and do it. It might need a pilgrimage to a sacred place. It might need Netflix and Doritos. All equally valid.

5. Have a lawyer, an accountant, and a stylist you trust.

6. Have these friends: Ones who don’t care what you look like, ones who don’t care what your house looks like, ones who hug you while simultaneously telling you the tough truth you need to hear.

7. The fastest path to happiness is presence. Dwelling in the past is painful, dwelling in the future is pointless.

8. Realize that courage isn’t staying together for the kids, or enduring a job you hate. Courage is in being strong enough to want something that’s held together by more than your obligations and willingness to settle.

And luckily, once you’re through it, you finally understand that avoiding the pain was more painful than the reality of facing it.

9. Peace is a choice. Period.

And character is a summation of your habits. So, if you want to be a good person you must be habitually good no matter what is thrown at you or who’s in front of you. Decide what kind of person you are and then be that person. All the time. No matter what.

10. Whatever it is you know you need to do, be or have, the fastest way to get there is to be there.

11. Everyone is wounded. Everyone is connected by a universal human story. Lead with love and compassion and watch how much happier you get.

12. Practice discernment. Learn to beautifully balance following the flow with your non-negotiable boundaries.

13. Accept the fact that the most radical act of self-love you can perform is to say “no.” It won’t be popular. It will be worth it.

14. You can’t outrun your truth. You might stay a few laps ahead of it, but it will always claw its way to the surface. So save yourself time and heartache and EMBODY your truth. It’s the best way to find out what you’re made of and who belongs in your life.

Because life is short. And grace is Divine. And there is massive, blinding beauty in following your truth, in searching for the miracles underneath, and in opening to the experiences you can’t make sense of but are undoubtedly leading you to your destiny.

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…

Some warm and fuzzy lessons for surviving 2017, because 2016 kinda sucked

Happy new year. No really. Happy. Freaking. New Year.

Why am I so adamantly in love with 2017? Because 2016 tested my spiritual resolve more than anything EVER has. It was, according to astrologers, a “transition year” not just for me, but for MANY people. The collective consciousness was CRAZY this year. I am sure you felt it. (A-hem, Trump induced nationwide Election insanity).

Uncertainty, massive fear, tests of strength, a call to arms for warrior courage.

Now that’s interesting, isn’t it? Fear and uncertainty, acting as a bridge to extraordinary change and courage. This year nearly did me in, and yet, it also brought me back to life.

So to that I say, F you 2016. F you, and THANK YOU. Without your bullying, without your ambush attacks on my soul, I might still be pretending, complying and squandering time on a life that was not in line with my deepest truths. So thanks 2016. You’re a pal. I consider you the brutally honest friend who’s not afraid to say, “Yes, you look fat in those jeans.”

Here are a few things I learned (not without blood, sweat and tears) and the things I plan to carry with me into this bright, sparkly, merciful new year. Feel free to steal.

some warm and fuzzy lessons for surviving 2017

  • You can’t outrun your truth. You may stay a few laps ahead, but eventually it catches up. And if you don’t listen to it whispering, the whisper becomes a scream. And if you still don’t listen, the universe will implode your life in such a huge way that you cannot ignore it anymore. And spoiler alert— that’s not fun. Ask yourself, “Am I being patient or suffering in silence? Am I giving this situation time, or am I hiding behind a wall of fear, clinging fiercely to comfortable discontent?” The truth isn’t always pretty, but it’s always worth it.
  • Forgiveness is not a betrayal of your pride. Peace is a choice. Sure, you have a RIGHT to be raging. Angry. Hurt. You also have a right to accept change, to throw love and compassion around, to choose the serenity of peace over the heaviness of resentment, to see everyone in your life as a spiritual teacher and be grateful for their presence, their lessons and yes, even their pain. Because you grew. You learned. It’s just that anger is really dense, so until you push it aside you won’t see the miracle behind it. And the miracle is breathtaking. Your only job is to assume that everything happening to you is for your highest good. So accept it. Trust. Choose peace. Move on.
  • What’s best for you is best for the people you love. Period. Martyrdom makes you look older. So don’t do it. You help no one by abandoning yourself. In fact, you are actually f**king up EVERYONE when you do that. Because the people who look up to you (especially important if you have kids) will follow your lead. And if they see you abandoning yourself, settling for less, tolerating emptiness, they will adopt that as normal and do the same. Want that on your conscience? Me neither. Be your own advocate. Happiness is YOUR birth right too. At some point, you should learn that it’s not selfish to honor the callings of your own soul, regardless of who you feel obligated to. I heard Joel Osteen speak this year. He said, (CLEARLY speaking to me personally 😉 “You might be saying, ‘what if I hurt people with my choice?’ and to that I say, ‘what if you miss your destiny?’”
  • Grace is when forgiveness, compassion and acceptance intersect. You can push against or flow with. Guess which one keeps you healthier? Now this is tricky, because grace and patience are very often mistaken by the faithless for weakness. But you and I know better. You and I know that grace is a high calling, reserved for the strong of heart. And it doesn’t hurt your karma either.
  • The more you live by your truth, the more you will find that people you know and love have trouble relating to you. And that’s ok. Because you’re no longer living to please and conform. They are comfortable living that way and that works for them. It just won’t work for you anymore. It’s no biggie. Some people like sushi, some don’t. Don’t judge them for their unwillingness to see differently, and hopefully, they won’t judge you for an inability to be someone you’re not.
  • Do something that scares you at least twice a year. Courage is an element of freedom. When you stretch yourself beyond what’s been true to this point in your life, things you didn’t know you had will be permanently unlocked. This year, I spoke on stage to 400 people. I also made a decision to permanently change my life in a HUGE way. Both of those things scared the shit out of me. And both raised me to a higher level of faith, empowerment and bad-assness.
  • Darkness is nothing more than incubation. Sue Monk Kidd wrote a book called When the Heart Waits which became a bible for me this year. In it, she suggests that we not dramatize the dark night of the soul as something awful and gut wrenching, but rather take a lesson from nature. Caterpillars go into a dark cocoon to be reborn as butterflies. Babies stay in a dark womb until Divine timing tells them it’s time come forth as life-changing miracles. Why then, do we assume OUR dark seasons are anything BUT a blessed and natural incubation period? You aren’t stuck in darkness. You’re just incubating. Divine intervention is sometimes as quiet as a whisper and as slow as molasses, but it’s there. So just wait, with grace, until you are given the unmistakable green light that it’s time to be born again, stronger, more beautiful and in gorgeous technicolor.
  • You can be compassionate without being responsible. This is tough for us do-gooders. Even tougher for us empaths. After all, we not only witness people’s pain, we FEEL it right along with them. So it’s EXTRA suck-ish when we are a PART of people’s pain because then we get to enjoy that cocktail blend of sadness AND guilt. Lucky us. But here’s what I know. You can feel a huge amount of compassion for someone else’s pain, for their journey, without accepting responsibility for it. You are only responsible for yourself, your choices. And they are only responsible for theirs. You cannot MAKE someone happy. You cannot MAKE someone change. You can only see them for who they are. A Divine being, just like you, doing the best they can with what they know. But there must be a line in the sand.  There must be a point where you can say, “I SEE your pain, and I bless your pain, but I cannot CARRY your pain as my own.” Here’s where God gets good. When you finally stop carrying someone’s pain, guess what they have to do? They have to get stronger, build their muscles and carry it themselves. So when you hand it back to them, they have to finally SEE it and in many cases they will finally say to themselves, “Ohhhh, so THIS is what it looks like. Yeah, no thanks.” They will then, hopefully, make a choice to change because THEY don’t want to carry that shit either.
  • Purpose is not one central focus that only super lucky people find. Purpose evolves as YOU evolve. Today, your purpose might be to care for a friend in need. Tomorrow your purpose might be to finally finish the damn book. Your purpose is not something you find after a long and treacherous journey, it’s something you choose moment to moment, every day, to give your whole heart to.
  • Lead with love. Love the pain. Love the spirit assaulters. Love the tears. Love the possibilities. Love the painful growth. (It’s unlocking your destiny) Love the unanswered prayers. (They ARE being answered, you just don’t like how it looks yet.) Love it all. Leading with love is the fastest path to peace, to new beginnings and to miracles.
  • And life is too damn short to settle for less than soul-shaking miracles.

Cheers to the new year.

Follow the flow. Hear the whispers. Honor your heart.

Truth looks HOT on you.

Best. Poem. Ever.

So I’m going through a bit of what my friend Kate Crow calls a personal tsunami. You know, … the kind of thing that you are sure only ever happens to OTHER people .

And maybe someday I’ll talk about it, but for now I wanted to share with you the words that have sustained me. They are the words of a poet named Erin Hanson who lives in Australia, and isn’t even old enough to drink but writes with a depth that you just don’t see these days.

 

Best Poem Ever

 

Here it is:

 

Maybe you’re a wild fire but I’m a mighty oak.

And my roots extend much further than your flickering flames can choke.

So send your smoke towards me, what you see here’s only bark;

And I am far too strong to fear the keen sting of your spark.

Now listen to me wild fire, oh the sky is turning gray.

You better make it fast,for I know rain is on the way.

And then you’ll finally realize your mistake before you go;

That I will never fear you, for you help my forest grow.

So take me down to ashes, make me crackle make me burn.

And from all this destruction, even stronger I’ll return.

 

You see I used to think that the wild fire represented insults and injury.

Then in a different phase of this, I thought the wildfire might represent challenges.

But now I know the truth. My truth.

The wildfire is, and always has been, the one thing that can indeed take us down to ashes.

The thing that can make us burn and wilt while underneath it all simultaneously doing the treacherous but vital work of helping us grow.

The wildfire isn’t challenges or injury. It’s the one thing that, no matter how threatening or uncertain, we find the courage to invite again and again into our lives.

The thing that begins with a spark, can shift to a rage, can end with a gray and exhausted smolder, but is still a better choice than hiding untouched, with no need for courage or strength.

The wildfire… is love.

I completely flipped out. Not proud of it.

Louie

So we got a new puppy. His name is Louie. This is him. Handsome isn’t he?

I love this puppy WAY more than I wanted to, but he has (are you ready?) a stomach virus that is causing him to have several bouts of diarrhea a day. (I promise you there is a point here).

So here’s a breakdown of what happened today:

Louie had no less than 5 accidents in the house. I continually had to tell my clients to hold on so I could try to rush him outside and not surprisingly, I failed 4 of those 5 times and spent much of my day shampooing carpets with one hand and holding the phone in the other trying to do the work I was scheduled to do.

Then: my oldest came home ill with a fever (and an attitude), my middle one couldn’t find her dance shoes, we were late for everything, rushing out the door, then I hear the baby yelling, “Moooom, Louie pooped in the family room!”, so I go back in and my purse hooks on a FULL bottle of root beer which spills its ENTIRE contents all over my laptop and the kitchen floor.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!??! Then I, just for dramatic flair, raise my arms and look to the sky and say, “WHAT!?! WHAT LESSON AM I SUPPOSED TO LEARN FROM THIS? JUST TELL ME BECAUSE I’M NOT HEARING YOU!”

And no shit, clear as day, a voice in my head said, “The lesson is you’ve got a long way to go baby.”

It actually made me laugh, but it also made me realize three REALLY important things that I wanted to share with you:

  1. Gratitude isn’t just a buzz word. And on this crappiest of days, my day was still better than my dear friend who is mourning the loss of her child. And the people who lost everything in the earthquake in Italy. And many, many other people who aren’t as blessed as I am. I am reminded of a quote I read then, “Don’t forget to be grateful to God for what you DO have. After all he didn’t forget to wake you up today.” Regardless of what you believe or what God you worship, it’s a solid reminder to be grateful.
  2. Mastery is a journey. My goal is to stay on the path to what I call “user friendly enlightenment.” Enlightenment for real chicks like me who live in a real world, like wine and who don’t have time to juice things every day or visit ashrams in India. So when the universe whispered to me, “You’ve got a long way to go baby,” I like to think it was a pat on the back for my effort AND a reminder that there is no destination, only an unwavering commitment to keep RE-committing to peace and self-awareness no matter what.
  3. Mind your “ish.” My friends and I have a running joke. “ish.” We love that suffix as it allows us to be vague and noncommittal without being all out negative. One of us says, “How was your day?” and we are totally allowed to reply, “Great….ish.” But I got to thinking about the ish and how many people I know who are happy-ISH. Successful-ISH. They are so close to being all the way, but their ish holds them back. Take time to think about your ish. What needs to shift for you to release it and REALLY be in an enviable state of bliss? For me, I realized today that I am only happy-ISH because I am a bit out of alignment. I was being pulled in a million directions, received some reminders about some things I need to release in my business, was reminded that I have been neglecting my body etc. That ish, for me, is a lack of self-care. If I can set boundaries in business, set goals in fitness and set standards for friendships, set schedules for the kids that don’t put me in a rush etc, then my ish will fade away. (or it will change form.) The point is, ish’s will always pop up. Ask yourself if you have an ish and then NAME It. Figure it out. Release it!

Are you happy-ISH in a relationship that’s ok but not WOWING you?

Are you successful-ish in a business that makes money but steals your soul?

I am declaring today that I will be more mindful of what my body, mind and soul are begging for in an effort to banish that suffix and lean into total glowy-ness. (Thank you for witnessing.)

Get grateful. Stay the course. Mind the ish.

You’ve come a long way too baby. Keep going.

10 Lessons that can Change Your Life

Happy New Year!

It’s been a few weeks since you have heard from me and that’s because I was doing my best to be present for my kids over the holidays and to take some time to reflect and recharge. I had some time this holiday season to do some DEEP soul searching. 2015 was a year of extraordinary growth and change for me. I want to share with you some of the lessons that shook me to my core and allowed me some beautiful expansion. Some of them are tough to hear, but if you really let them sink in, take them to heart and open to their message, I promise you, light and love will be your constant companions.

So here, in random order and with a certain unorganized charm, are my 10 greatest lessons of 2015:

  1. You aren’t mad at them for what they keep doing, you’re mad at yourself for what you keep allowing.
  2. You cannot out run your truth. You may stay a few laps ahead for a time but your truth will always catch up.
  3. You’re capable of anything you’re willing to google.
  4. You will be a better person if you assume that everyone you encounter has been sent to teach you something. That rude customer service rep? A messenger from God sent to teach you unwavering patience.
  5. Most people are unwilling to look in the mirror. Self-awareness is uncomfortable. But it leads to miracles. Only the truly courageous strive for self-awareness. So be one of the courageous.
  6. You cannot expect extraordinary change if you aren’t willing to be extraordinarily changed. So many people go on and on about what they don’t like about their lives, what they want instead, yet they stay paralyzed and stuck because they fear the work that change asks of us.
  7. Everything is neutral until you assign an emotion to it. And you’ll be happier if you assign a good one. Even when something happens that brings you to your knees — a lost job, a lost relationship — you can breathe good into it, or you can breathe pain. Breathe good.
  8. When people show you their true colors, believe them. Your intuition never lies. You may choose to keep them in your life, but you then give up the right to be surprised and disappointed in their behavior.
  9. You are always in choice. Always. Even if you decide to do nothing, you have chosen. And that gift of always being in choice means you and you alone are responsible for your life and circumstances. So when you say you can’t possibly leave your job, the truth is you could. You could leave and downsize, or live in your tree house or whatever. The point is, you should never dis-empower yourself  by uttering the words “I don’t have a choice.” You do. Always.
  10. This is a biggie. Happiness Isn’t an absence of pain. It’s a recognition that something greater than pain is what defines us.

Shit happens. If you’re alive, shit will continue to happen.

Happiness isn’t the opposite of pain, it’s an element of it. We need the pain because we learn by contrast. Without pain we have no earthly way of knowing when the brilliance of bliss has finally touched us.

This is why we need the pain. Your goal isn’t to eliminate pain. It’s to learn from it. And then to keep the scales ever tipped towards the other side.

A mood is not a reality. A bad hour doesn’t actually equal a bad day.

So many people say they aren’t happy. This broad blanket statement of “I’m not happy” means, in reality, that what they aren’t happy with is their job or their mate. When one part of your life is unhappy, that’s just pain giving you information on how you can tip the scales. Pain is your partner. But you’re the greater shareholder. You have to make the final decision.

And sadly, do you know what most people decide to do with pain? Stay in it.

You’re not unhappy. If you’re living and laughing and have one friend and see the sun, you’re not unhappy. You just have a choice to make about one or two areas of your life.

One situation needn’t ever dictate your universal state of being.

And with that, I wish you a gorgeous, blessed and self-aware 2016. =)

My birthday wish

So my birthday was September 6th and while my birthday normally just passes without much fan fare, this one was different.

This time, my b-day weekend included a winery trip, a hike to a gorgeous waterfall and bonfire with friends. It was such a fun, nurturing weekend and I felt totally celebrated.

But something else was different.

I felt drawn to my own soul. I felt an unwavering loyalty to myself. Let me explain.

I have spent most of my life doing whatever I thought I should do to keep the peace. In fact, I had a beautiful Soul Mapping session with Georgette Star in which she told me (quite amazingly intuitive) that I tend to keep the peace even at the cost of my own serenity. So true. And sad. And so DONE!

Then I reconnected with an old friend who turned me on to an amazing new workout that totally lit me up.

Then I had a phone conversation with the brilliant coach Wendy Collier who pointedly asked me all about my favorite things and pointed out that I don’t do enough of those in my day to day life.

WTF?

No more. So I spent the last week at the beck and call of my soul. I asked, each morning, “soul, what do you want me to do today?”

And my soul answered. It wanted me to write. And to read. And to get healthy. And to play with my kids. And to take more time off. And as I fully committed to creating a day to day life that answered my soul’s needs, I felt SO recharged, healthy, re-inspired, full of energy. Fierce.

Every moment, of every day, if you listen closely enough, your soul will whisper. And as they say, if you listen to your soul when it whispers, you don’t have to hear it scream. (Click to tweet that. 😉

So , what does your soul need you to do? what does your soul need you to release? Or to commit to? Ask it every day. It is the bridge to your highest good.

Here are just a few things that light me up lately. =)

My new favorite work out – BUTI YOGA: http://butiyoga.com/

My new favorite book: LIGHT IS THE NEW BLACK: http://www.amazon.com/Light-Is-New-Black-Answering/dp/1401948502

My new favorite TED talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius?language=en

Enjoy =)

Loved your post, here’s my private part

That subject line is a killer isn’t it? I couldn’t decide between that and “I know this is super long but it’s worth it.”

A recent event has inspired me to write about the blurred boundaries that social media presents and why the human condition sets us up to fall prey to them.

So here’s me, all bright eyed snow-white-ish “just want to make the world a happy place” kind of girl. I love to meet people. I am fascinated by other people actually. I love to KNOW about other people- what makes them tick, what lights them up, their divinely appointed talents and deep-seeded passions.

It’s the kind of intense interest that dating coaches suggest you show in the other party.

BEEP BEEP BEEP! Red flag. You see where this is going right?

Random person: “Hi! I love your posts. They really make my day.”

Me: “Wow, thanks that’s so nice of you! Tell me about yourself! What do you love to do?”

Random person: “I’m an artist and I dabble in writing. Married but it’s tough, etc etc.”

Me: “I hear you! Well it was great to “meet” you.”

Random person then writes a few more times and each time I politely respond and even enjoy some of the conversation as random person has a pretty great sense of humor. Then around day 6, inevitably, one of two things happen. The conversation takes a weird turn, or, I open my inbox to see a picture of random person’s private parts. True story.

I x’d out right before my daughter walked in the room and later, of course, chastised random person for his actions.

And then my internal chatter starts. (Along with my internal shame.)

“Oh my God.  WHY!?!??! How did this happen. Did I allow this to happen? Was I too nice? Did my politeness actually sound flirty? Is this MY fault? Was there something in these conversations that I needed? Did I lead him on by joking around? But joking around is what I DO!”

All over the world, every second of the day, people are rather blindly starting “relationships” via social media, many without even realizing it. And before long, what started out as an innocent “nice to meet you, loved your post” turns into something much more, something people start to attach themselves to, something you have to explain to your angry spouse!

Feelings are hurt. Words are fired that can’t be taken back.

Luckily in my case, I’m pretty self-aware and thanks to my parents, I have a healthy self-worth. I was able to stop this in its tracks!

But for many people, that’s not the case, and the idea of being missed by someone half way across the world, someone who always finds you beautiful because your profile pic is all they have to go on, feels pretty damn good.

I could go on and on but here’s the bottom line that might get me some unsubscribes.

In most cases (I said MOST) infidelity, of any kind, is not the cause of an unhappy relationship, it is the RESULT.

Human beings NEED connection. Ever read that story about those orphaned babies who were never held and failed to thrive? Human connection and human touch are as important to our health as food and water.

Social media is a haven for people who are lacking human connection. The mask that Facebook allows us to wear is the perfect breeding ground for connection to bloom. And sure, every once in a while on your internet home page you’ll see a video of some cheesy ballpark engagement between two people who met online, but in a lot of cases, that happy ending never takes place because the people in question are committed (and I use that term loosely) to other people.

So, in essence, these social media “connections” that are formed between two people sometimes not even on the same continent, are surface at best. Sure they may placate us for a bit, but they can never become what we need them to be because OTHER elements are not present. Elements of touch, of partnership, of a shared vision and shared execution of that vision, of falling asleep together and waking up entwined and at peace. (Don’t get me wrong. Plenty of people have met their spouses online and gone on to have amazing relationships, but in many of those cases, they were free to do so and not trying to passive aggressively fill a voids that weren’t being met.)

That’s what missing from so many of these gray areas – peace. Peace in knowing that you’ve forged something with someone based on honesty. Something that’s free to blossom and deepen without the anxiety of wondering who might find out.

Because people always find out.

And here’s where a gorgeous opportunity lies.

An opportunity to transcend our egos and deepen a connection with the person who is right in front of us.

We can begin to do this in two simple ways:

1. We take responsibility. In most cases, when our partner’s eyes and hearts have wandered it’s because they have become painfully aware of their Need Gap.  Pretend you have a garden. And when you first plant this garden you cherish it. It’s your favorite hobby. You are careful to make sure you water it. You spend time in it. You are fulfilled by watching it grow. And then life gets busy. Something awful happens. Maybe work gets tough and you get distracted and forget to water it. It begins to decay. Luckily, your neighbor, who has always admired your garden, begins to notice its sad state and decides to do something about it. Neighbor waters your garden religiously, restoring it back to health as best he or she can.

You have a choice. You can be SUPER pissed that someone else trespassed on your yard and watered your garden or you can be grateful that they kept your garden alive while you, for whatever reason, couldn’t. You can choose to get self-aware and to think about where or when you may have left the door open. That gap between what your partner needs and what you give them is their Need Gap. And keeping that gap in the door closed is the key to a committed, fulfilling relationship.

2. The second way you can transcend is to break the “treat others how you want to be treated” rule. In relationships, this rule is kind of bullshit. The key to closing the need gap isn’t to treat your partner how you want to be treated, it’s to treat them how THEY want to be treated. My husband and I have walked this slippery slope many many times.

Example: Husband spends all morning cleaning my car while I try to work and simultaneously care for three kids, one of whom has the stomach flu. Husband is then pissed that I don’t show gratitude for my sparkly windshield. But here’s the thing – I don’t cherish a sparkly windshield. I cherish partnership. I cherish help.

One of the most popular books of all times on this subject is The 5 Love Languages. I haven’t read the whole thing, but you get the gist. We all speak a different love language and the key is to find out what language (meaning what needs) your partner has and to fill those so that your partner feels loved. And not only find out, but to continue to be curious about those needs as they will change and evolve over time. I LOVED that my husband couldn’t keep his hands off of me when we were engaged. Now I just want him to empty the f*cking dishwasher and deal with the toddler meltdown without being asked to! ASK. Find out what your partner cherishes. Do they need you to hold their hand in public? Do they need their alone time? Do they need you to just let them be who they are and not judge? Find out. Endless curiosity is one of the most under-credited tools that can keep you out of divorce court.  

3. Ok I said there were two but I lied. There are 3.  GET SELF AWARE AND BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. When random penis pic person and I had our conversations, he always referred to me as “babe.” I had seen him refer to other people as babe so I justified it as OK by saying “that’s just how he talks.” But if I were REALLY honest, I LIKED being called babe. It was something my husband USED to call me until suddenly, one day, he didn’t anymore. I always took the abrupt withdrawal of that term of endearment very personally. As though his love for me had changed and I no longer deserved the nickname. To this day, I haven’t solved that mystery, but it illuminated to me that I very much need sweet words of affirmation. Now it’s up to me to communicate that to my husband and up to him to do something about it or run the risk of a neighbor jumping in and watering that need.

Once I tell him, the ball’s in his court. If he chooses to not use sweet, affirming words, he technically has no right to be shocked if I start hearing (and enjoying them) from someone else.

And likewise, if he is honest and open about HIS needs, I can choose to meet them or he run the risk of his gap being filled by a hot nanny.

So it’s pretty simple. If you WANT to stay happy in your relationship, do these things:

  1. Find out what your partner cherishes.
  2. Give it to them.
  3. Figure out what YOU cherish.
  4. Tell your partner so that they can give it YOU.

Cheers to finding and closing the Need Gap, to love, and to the pretty great “cable after dark” sex lives that could be happening if we could all just get our heads out of our asses.

Read this article on the Huffington Post!

Quickies are awesome

Real quick – I’ve had the privilege this year of working with some of the folks who are enjoying the kind of life that most of the world admires. I was asked yesterday in an interview what I’ve noticed about successful people. I wanted to share my answer with you because I think it’s important! Here, in random order are a few universal traits of highly
successful, happy, fulfilled people!

  1. They make quick decisions.

Successful people don’t waste time debating. This has worked wonders for me, too. If I’m offered a great opportunity, I take it and then figure out the details later!

  1. Successful people are able to make fast decisions because they know their North Star.

They know their goals. They know what they are moving towards. So they are able to spot which decisions will get help them get there and which are a waste of time. Suzanne Evans is always saying, “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.”

3. They watch their mouths.

Successful people mind their language. They don’t allow themselves to speak in negativity. They don’t use words that suggest lack or hardship. HUGE shift for me. When I stopped saying, “I can’t afford that,” my bank account grew. I don’t think there is anything that is out of reach. I don’t say “I can’t afford it,” I say, ‘Ok I want this, so what do I have
to do, create or sell to get it!”

  1. They have fun.

Fun is a PRIORITY. I see way too many entrepreneurs trying to run a “freedom business” but checking their email 24/7, getting annoyed if people don’t answer them immediately, stressing about the perfect this, the perfect that. Have fun people. It makes you more interesting.

  1. They are compassionate. The string of scandals with high powered people lately (hello Jared from Subway) are proof that karma is a bitch no matter who you are. Successful people are decent. They give a shit. They understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them. They give gifts to their assistant’s kids and they open the doors for people.

6. They honor their dreams, no matter how weird or seemingly off course.

That’s why Reese Witherspoon has a clothing site and several Oscar winning actors are in rock bands. Do what the hell you want to do in this life.

7. They wake up early and meditate.

It’s huge.

8. They have coaches of all kinds.

Spiritual coaches. Business coaches. Astrology coaches. Because successful people know the importance of trying something new and the importance of ALWAYS learning.

  1. They eat well and exercise all the time.

I’m still working on this one. Love donuts, love wine, hate running. In fact, if you see me running you should run too because there is probably something chasing me.

OK, so maybe that wasn’t a quickie but I hope you are satisfied. 😉 These work! Try to incorporate some of these into YOUR daily life and mindset.

Gotta run. Coffee’s done!

To your new kick ass success mindset.

More money, more love. And pictures

I’ve noticed a pattern over the last year. My Facebook inbox is increasingly full, and often the messages I get are from women who have noticed a huge change in me. I get messages that say “How do you do it all?!?” and “You are SO different than you were a few years ago” and very often, “I wish I could change my life like you have.”

Now that the doors to the 6 Month Miracle Project are just about open, I wanted to share with you the massive changes that have happened for me. It’s my miracle in pictures.

My Money Story-

For YEARS I struggled. I laid awake at nights worrying about money. I felt embarrassed that I wasn’t doing well and I had more than one business take an embarrassing dive. But then I created the two miracles that would shift that forever: the miracles of Abundance and Responsibility.

Since I learned that miracle formula, I have built a business that brought in more money in 6 months than I had made in TEN years. I became an author. I took a 5 star trip to Texas with my mom and my brother. Our first ever! I travel several times a year to beautiful California (I had never even been on a plane alone!) and I am hanging out with people whose books are on my shelf! How? MIRACLES.

On the beach in San Diego

On the beach in San Diego
With miracle partner dawn Berube

With Miracle partner Dawn Berube
A solo trip to the beach with my babies

A solo trip to the beach with my babiesmage
With my mom and brother in beautiful Texas!

With my mom and brother in beautiful Texas!
With Noah St. John and his wife Babette.

With Noah St. John and his wife Babette.

My Love Story- Here’s the truth. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. For 9 of those I was empty. Resentful. Disconnected. But then I learned the Miracles of Positive Processing and Living GreatFully. I was able to release YEARS of blame and anger. I was able to learn to how to stay in peace, how to lead with love, how to extract the gold underneath the dirt! And the best part? I had this guy:

Baby Levi
who turned into this guy.

Levi
And he rounded out my three musketeers,

3 Musketeers
who, by the way, are the happiest, silliest kids I know, and are very much enjoying their happy, present mommy!

Silly

Silly Happy Mommy

My Soul Story- When I take a look back at those years of pain and uncertainty I want to hold that girl in my arms and tell her, “Don’t you see? You have everything you need. You have divinity in your blood. You’re ok already. You’re already powerful!” I will never forget the day that I knelt in a church, sobbing hysterically, asking God why he wasn’t listening to me. But then I learned the Miracles of Source and Divinity. And now? I feel so…. gosh its tough to put into words… whole.

Gina

I understand now what it means to have God-given power. I spend time drinking that in, basking in the warmth of this Universal energy and power that we ALL have at our fingertips. I give myself TLC.

Image
I connect to my femininity. I do what makes me happy.

gina
I savor my morning coffee, I hug my babies a lot and I spend time with girls.

Gina

And my smile reaches my eyes. And I commit to bliss and laughter and love. And I cannot believe how lucky I am to have this life.

Gina

If there is any part of you that doesn’t feel whole, any part of you that knows on a soul deep level that something is missing, start your journey to making miracles. I so badly want this for you. Because I know it works.

Preach, Pray, Party

I was laying in bed last night, after celebrating my oldest son’s 11th birthday, and I swear I had a whole year’s worth of emotions in a span of 20 minutes: overwhelming love for my kids, a bit of sadness that the years are passing so quickly, pride in the beautiful people they are becoming, gratitude for the miracles I’ve been guided to create for us the last few yeas.

I realized that the more intentional I become, the better life gets.

I usually keep my soul manifestos between me and God but I wanted to share it with you today. It’s a blend of dreams and goals and commitments to myself. Half to-do list. Half prayer list. All true. All possible.

Click to tweet thisThis year I am dripping in dreams and fueled by change. This year, I am telling fear to f**k off and making every decision with faith, love and self-hearted warrior courage. (Click to Tweet This) I will be led only by my own heart, my own voice and the whispers of the Holy Spirit. I will laugh even more and hug even harder. This year is about depth, expansion and MIRACLES.”

What’s this year about for YOU? Whatever it is, bask in it, savor it, preach it, have a party for it.

Don’t just hope, DECIDE. Don’t just wait, CREATE. Don’t just settle, MANIFEST.

Click to tweet thisWhatever you want that you don’t yet have is waiting for you to fight for it. (Click to tweet this.)

Its up to YOU to declare the shift. I hope you feel how powerful that is! Getting responsible isn’t heavy. It’s liberating! You got this 😉